


In His Broad Shadow

by silquefaye



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (it's rodrigue), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 09:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20691122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silquefaye/pseuds/silquefaye
Summary: “What do you want?” he grunts.“To talk, if you’re in the mood.”Felix sighs and turns back towards the sky. “How’d you know I was here?”“Well, you disappeared from the dining hall a while ago, and you weren’t in the training grounds, or in your room. So I figured this was the next best bet.” He can hear Ashe approaching him, footsteps soft and near-silent.“Oh? And how did you figure that one out?”“Your father came here a lot.”In which Felix grieves, looks towards the future, and find solace in Ashe's embrace.





	In His Broad Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> im working on a bigger ashelix thing but that's set during the time skip so i wrote this bc i suddenly got hit with feelings about this and it wouldn't go into my longer fic anyway so.  
also title is from the Seamus Heaney poem ["Follower"](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/57371/follower).

The viewing point was one of the places Felix could never explore as a student. It was always off limits, only for Lady Rhea to look down on the people milling about the monastery. Now, the third floor is open to everyone, but it’s still the quietest part of the monastery. Felix had never thought of visiting, but now that he’s here, Felix can see the appeal. It’s secluded from the rest of the monastery, a step removed from everyone and everywhere else. 

And at times like this, when he can’t bear being around anyone else, he finds it makes the perfect hiding spot.

He’s sick of the pity from everyone. He can’t deal with Ingrid and Sylvain’s hovering, their crestfallen faces when he shrugs off their concern. Nor with Mercedes somber doting, or Annette’s attempts to chase away the grief with food, or Dedue’s silent condolences. He doesn’t need it. The only thing worse is the ever-looming presence of boar, his guilt seeping into the atmosphere of the whole monastery. 

Up here, however, none of them can touch him. 

He stares up at the stars above him, and the sight of the thousands of stars above him makes him feel smaller than he’s ever felt, more insignificant than anyone else ever has. Even his father. 

It’s nights like this, moments like this, that make him think of the future. Of an impossible “after the war”. Felix has a duty to attend to, even if he wasn’t anyone’s first choice. He’ll inherit the title of Duke Fraldarius, and continue his father’s legacy. 

He wonders if his father would be proud of him, for following in his footsteps. 

Felix finds it hard to believe. 

“Ah, I was wondering where you had run off to.”

Felix inclines his head towards the door, and frowns when he sees Ashe. 

“What do you want?” he grunts. 

“To talk, if you’re in the mood.”

Felix sighs and turns back towards the sky. “How’d you know I was here?”

“Well, you disappeared from the dining hall a while ago, and you weren’t in the training grounds, or in your room. So I figured this was the next best bet.” He can hear Ashe approaching him, footsteps soft and near-silent. 

“Oh? And how did you figure that one out?”

“Your father came here a lot.”

Felix tenses. He doesn’t turn towards Ashe, won’t turn towards him, can’t. 

Turns out he doesn’t have to either, because Ashe places a hand on his shoulder. 

Felix swallows, eyes still fixed on the stars. 

Someone always has to break the silence eventually, and for once, it’s Felix.

“Why does it hurt? I didn’t care about him. I _ hated _him. He doesn’t deserve my grief.”

Ashe’s grip tightens. “Grief is very rarely logical.”

“I know”, Felix says, closing his eyes only to be met with visions of Glenn. “I know.”

A beat of silence follows, leaving Felix to fester in the thoughts he’s been trying hard to ignore. But with Ashe here, all those dark and poisonous thoughts bubble to the surface, vying for a chance to be heard by someone who won’t judge or pity. 

“Do you think”, Felix begins, stopping when the words get caught in his throat. “Do you think he would have done the same for me?”

A beat of silence follows. Felix thinks he might just fall apart. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t know him very well, and didn’t know much about him outside of his loyalty to the crown. I can’t say for sure if he would have put your life over his.”

An answer like that shouldn’t be a comfort to Felix, but it is. Ashe doesn’t try to lie or sugarcoat things to protect Felix, he knows better- he knows Felix better. And there’s a certain solace in someone else being on the same page as him. If it had been him, Felix can hardly imagine his father jumping in to save him. 

“I don’t think he would’ve. He puts Faerghus over everything. If it had been between me and Dimitri, there would have been no competition.”

The truth doesn’t sting as much as it did before, time dulling it’s blade. Felix learned a long time ago that blood relations don’t matter, as long as there’s a better option available. 

Ashe hums, and takes a step closer to Felix. His chest is grazing Felix’s back, the heat from his body curling around Felix. 

“I don’t think it matters, in the end”, Ashe says, voice so soft, so sweet, that the implications of what he said don’t click with Felix for a moment. 

When they do, he turns his head towards Ashe, eyes wide. Ashe continues before Felix can say anything. 

“I mean, of course it _ matters. _How you feel matters, and whatever mix of emotions you’re dealing with right now matters. But that line of questioning will never help you Felix, not in a million years.”

Ashe takes a deep breath, before diving back in. 

“When Lonato died, I spent weeks and weeks wondering if I had been in Christophe’s place, would Lonato had done the same? Or would I always be second fiddle to his real son. But that didn’t help me at all, it just made everything hurt _ more.” _

He tugs Felix closer, so that they’re fully facing each other. He cups Felix’s face and looks at him with those sweet green eyes, shining with _ love, _all for Felix. 

(And Felix knows he’s not selfless, and sometimes he feels like he should be a little less selfish. But he can’t help but feel smug knowing he’s the only one Ashe looks at like that.)

“In the end, there’s no point trying to figure out how much your father loved you compared to everyone else, you’re the only one who’s going to get hurt. Besides, _ I _love you, and that has to be worth something… right?”

Felix snorts at Ashe’s uncertainty, and leans into kiss him. 

“Idiot”, he murmurs into Ashe’s mouth, and his heart skips when he feels Ashe smile into their next kiss.

Ashe keeps his hands on either side of Felix’s face, and Felix places his hands on the side of Ashe’s chest, dragging them down to his hips. Ashe’s lips are chapped but warm, and when Felix runs his tongue over the bottom one, a shiver runs through Ashe. For a moment, Felix’s heart feels light.

When they pull apart, Ashe holds Felix close, and Felix rests his head on Ashe’s shoulder. 

“Thanks, for coming to find me.”

Ashe chuckles. “What else was I supposed to do, let you wallow in you grief?”

Felix hums, feeling his heart drop again. He hates that these feelings won’t just go away.

“Well, you helped, anyway.”

Ashe places a kiss to Felix’s hairline. “I’m glad.”

A beat of silence passes them by as they both stare up at the cloudless sky. 

“You know what else would probably help?”

“What?” 

“Sleep.”

Felix concedes with a grunt, and lets Ashe lead him towards his room. And when Felix asks Ashe to stay the night, Ashe concedes with a smile.

The next time they speak, they’re in bed, Ashe’s face tucked between Felix’s shoulder and neck, and Felix’s s face nuzzled into Ashe’s hair. Ashe slings a hand over Felix’s waist, and Felix pulls him closer with a hand on his hip. 

“Ashe?” Felix mumbles, eyes glued to the wall. 

“Mhm?”

“Did you ever wonder if Lonato would have traded you for Christophe? If he would’ve been happier if you were dead and Christophe was still there?”

“... Sometimes, yes. I know I said it does no good to dwell on such questions, but it’s hard, isn’t it? It’s not like you can just magically get better overnight, and no one expects you to.”

Felix hums. “I was never his first choice.”

Ashe places a soft kiss to Felix’s jawline and whispers, “Well, you’ll always be mine.”

And well, what more could Felix want. 

**Author's Note:**

> I like this a lot more than my last fic, and i think im getting a handle on Felix's character? like he's a lil different here bc im my mind ashe and felix have had their a support and he's a lil nicer to ashe now, also this a v vulnerable moment for him so. y'know. we make allowances.  
aaaaaanyway kudos, comments, and bookmarks are alway loved and appreciated and feel free to hmu on my [tumblr](https://silquefaye.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/silquefaye)!


End file.
